A Blessed & Limitless SONGwriter/ARTist/Cre8tive VISIONary/Hustle TV Host/Animal Advocate/Semi-Quarter Finalist on Season 8 of NBC's America's Got Talent ... but most of all, an INSPIRATION. #BeYourOwnHero #BYOH
Today, after the much publicized media coverage of Robin Williams’ suicide, I would yet again like to be 100% honest and raw Deanna and share a GRATEFUL post for my therapist Valerie. We have been seeing each other for about 4 years and I publicly declare, she is one of my BEST FRENDS. I am not ashamed or embarrassed for seeing Valerie. She is a light in my life, helps me see things a different way, encourages me but is also frank and honest when she sees me handling things in a way I shouldn’t. She is a fantastic, unbiased guide and I absolutely treasure her.
Mental health issues are swept under the rug and treated so very ignorantly. Think about it, if you hear someone at work is taking a leave of absence for cancer treatment, you immediately are filled with compassion and understanding…no? If someone takes a leave for “needing a mental break” or “issues pertaining to one’s mental health”, the giggles, looks and judgements would quickly swirl around your workplace …. the “she is kind of crazy” would be tossed about, the words “unstable” “bipolar”, get used inappropriately, unfairly, insensitively.
I have never been diagnosed with anything but 4 years ago I hit a wall. The wall I hit was being so very disappointed in how people treat one another. That is what brought me in to therapy. I was disgusted with how humans handled their humanity. I felt like I was an odd ball: loving, caring, respectful, thoughtful and did not feel that treatment coming back in my direction. I can tell you all now with out shame that I truly wanted to check out.
Why didn’t I check out? 4 reasons:
1. I couldn’t do that to my parents. They would have completely blamed themselves and I could never do that to them.
2. Who would take care of my dogs/my babies
3. I simply was not brave enough
4. There was darkness all around me but there was one, tiny, teeny, sliver of light…HOPE…and for that promise of HOPE, I could not do it.
For those of you saying “Suicide is selfish”, I say you are COMPASSIONLESS. “SELFISH” is what brought me to my breaking point. The selfish, insensitive hearts of others. Which is why on a daily I soap box loving each other more, checking in with each other more, smiling to strangers, hugging, sending an unexpected text or email of encouragement, ACTUALLY PICKING UP THE PHONE AND JUST PULLING A STEVIE WONDER: “I JUST CALLED TO SAY I LOVE YOU”.
I understand suicide because I’ve considered it. More than once.
I stay in treatment because humanity is not getting any better, it’s getting worse and I need the support. Guess what.. all of us do. I advise everyone to seek some form of mental therapeutic treatment because everyone needs it. EVERYONE.
Hopefully this post will call to action more love and compassion amongst my friends rather than judgement.
Here’s the fun thing about me: I care not what you think. I learned that from Valerie.
She wrote this down for me one day and it hangs on the wall in my office:
“I will not judge myself based on how others treat me”
Have a great day everyone…love a little more. x
"What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
No, not just for some but for everyone”
I post funny Facebook status’ about my dating life in LA and my crazy life in general.. so I was encouraged to start a dating blog… I did.
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God bless those of us that have the COURAGE to be artists.
We have to have a faith & determination capable of moving mountains. We have to find the strength every day to wake up and though our talent be boundless, potentially realize that it will never be recognized, never have the chance to truly be appreciated. Our art gets judged daily and usually by people not even qualified to judge it.
We have to accept the fact that we work on the speculation of selling our art and likely fall victim of taking far less than we are worth.
Imagine asking a doctor because the “budget” doesn’t allow his rate if he could take less for performing a surgery? Sounds insulting and almost insane… but artists do this every day.
We have to accept that someone else, someone who’s talent may not even be up to snuff will go farther, be bigger, greater, more achieved because you know what…. LIFE just isn’t far.
Ahhh to be gifted and talented… A blessing & a curse. I am still thankful for what HE has led me to & through… And ever thankful for my FAITH that truly could move a mountain.
I should have given up…I just don’t ever see it happening.
(The musings of 3:59am insomnia)
I got my degree from the prestigious Berklee College Of Music from this woman on graduation day.
I performed her songs for her in a Tribute show, where she approached me afterwards and said.. and I quote ” You are a sangin’ something! You’re a lil’ Patti”..
I wholeheartedly agree Auntie Patti… anybody is a DIVA today and it is a damn shame!
I have a big family. I have a family that has a vicious cycle of going years without talking to one another. It started with our parent’s parents. Moved through our parents and now exists amongst my cousins, their siblings. I don’t know what it is. Bitterness, jealousy, resentment, anger…Don’t know. BUT it exists…and to me it’s sad that people can’t find compassion and forgiveness and move on. That people can’t find a way to allow someone in their life (even if it is with limits), to try to bridge gaps—-to forgive and forget, to understand. To let bygones be bygones. To get a clean slate and start at Day 1. NO. It seems our family reunions happen at funerals. SAD.
All this to say, I refuse to take part. If there’s been issues, I communicate. I love my family. I love my aunts and uncles. I love my cousins. I don’t care about what Uncle so and so did to Auntie so and so. Not my concern. I have one family. That’s it.
This post is not to point fingers, this post is not to start trouble…hopefully the reverse.
THERE IS SO MUCH PAIN AND TRAGEDY IN THIS WORLD: if we can not fix it within our own homes, what are we?
I wish I had a closer relationship with my own Brother…but I understand 1. WE are very different human beings and 2. He is very busy with his wife, 2 kids, job and every day life and he lives in Utah, not down the street, not the next town over. I know he loves me and I love him…even if he misses my bday or something.. no biggie. I know his heart..and I don’t hold his heart against him.
So with this.. I say Sunday: I see my cousin Kathleen Auterio and her husband Lance Eason for the first time in over 30 years. I’m so excited. As excited as I was to see my cousin Sean William Kelley last year that I hadn’t seen in over 20 years. (FYI I have no bad blood with either—it was life and circumstances that kept us away). I am so glad that regardless of any pre-conceived notions our parents may have had, WE are not allowing that to stop us from getting to know each other. It’s never too late. NO… I take that back, It’s only too late at that funeral.
I am excited because this is what we got down here: Family and Friends. I think we are all here in a great experiment called “LOVE”. I think God hands us situations and sits back to see how we deal with it.
I have decided to deal with my situations in forgiveness and compassion. I am trying daily to “understand” more and to be “understood”.
I am not perfection, I am far from it and a very, very serious work in progress… but I am one person looking at the man in the mirror and getting her right before I turn and pass judgement on anyone else.
Until you are perfect, I implore you to do the same. At least consider it. At least TRY.
Love and Light xo